Its the Small Sh*T!
Updated: Jul 2, 2018
Do the Frequent Small things outweigh the scattered grand gestures?
When i think about the things that truly matter to me it always boils down to me remembering the most simplest of things that made such a large impact on me. I feel as tho most people take the small things for granted and then once they take a hard look back on things they start to realize just how much those little things that were overlooked actually meant to them or how it compares to how another person treated them in the grand scheme of things. The smallest gesture, the simplest words, the kindest thought, and the effort to plan something out make the difference between a long standing friendship or relationship and those people who are there for a season.
When you think of Friendships the number one thing that comes to mind when creating strong bonds with an individual is Support. The group of friends you keep should add value to you life rather that comes in the form of them rooting you on, giving you advice, advocating for you, or showing up and showing love. I think many times people in our lives get blindsided by us being "regular" to them so they forget to go hard for us just like they do for their favorite celeb when they have a concert or when that celeb drops a clothing line or some smell goods. They key to building solid relationships is keeping that consistency and same energy that you give to a stranger to the ones you love.
To keep it 100 percent honest with you i have more strangers that support me versus people i know personally and that says a lot about a persons character. People often can't see what your purpose is or see the big picture until your already in the spotlight and then they like to jump on the bandwagon. But i see right thru people like that. For example, i have an old friend who texts me often, listens to podcast frequently but hasn't yet checked mine out yet! That draws a red flag to me because it makes me feel like are you truly in support of what I'm doing or do you not really care so much because I'm not a big name Yet? Whatever the case may be, the fact that i see the love and support you offer a stranger versus someone you know speaks volumes.
As far as relationships go when it ties in with "the small shit" being able to plan something makes such a huge impact to me. For me when i am dating a man and he goes out of his way to have a set structure of what is that he wants to do with me or show me when it equates to me giving him my time, I'm truly appreciative of that. Taking the time out to really think thru what you want to participate in with me or where you would like to take me or what you want to show me, sets a man apart from the rest because men often forget that if you are trying to impress a decent woman, showing her you care about her time and making efficient use of it really ups the bar on things.
For a woman like me and many other woman you could plan something FREE to do, but the fact that you went out of your way to think it thru, what it is that you want to engage in with that woman is what turns the volume up the most on things. The simplest things like planning a trip to a museum or an art gallery to view some unique pieces can set you apart from the rest. Telling a woman "lets meet at 8, bring sneakers" and you guys meet up to go for a hike or you go for a bike ride can make the difference between who's a keeper and who's a creeper.
Woman can plan things too. If you know your man enjoys a specific alcohol and you know that its a Wine Tasting or Bourbon Tasting, you can sign yourself and your bae or "future bae" up to go enjoy an evening together and also do something fun. Why not take the initiative and put those plans in motion. Or if you know he loves to workout and they have a cycling class that he wants to try or he was interested in testing out a kick boxing class why not put those plans together and show him you are just as engaged as he is. Its simple things as such that will set you apart.
Their are three important things that i believe are so simple that we often overlook, but these things could really help in establishing a solid foundation in both friendships and relationships.
In this world where everything is hustle and bustle we often forget to tell each other how we feel, what we actually want, how we can be an asset to one another, and what is that we do and don't like. If we learned to be more vocal about our expectations in any our relationships (family,friends,lovers,colleagues) we would often get a better peace of mind.
Being real with yourself isn't enough, if you aren't being real with others. Be willing to open up to people and let them know your wants, your needs, your fears, your hopes, whats currently existing in your life and also what you will and won't tolerate. People often hold back on full truths because they don't want to hurt someones feelings or they don't want to burden someone with their hardships, but often times if we were to be completely honest about who we are and what we have going on the other party would be more likely to be understanding and at least you can sustain a good report with the other party. You can't expect anyone to be sympathetic or know what it is you want or are going thru if you can't be transparent.
If we learned to really support one another thru hard times, thru great times, thru times of uncertainty a lot of things would be simpler. People discredit the value of simply just being there for someone. A ear to lend to listen to someones problems, A avenue of advice to give, A shoulder to cry on, A hand to lend, A connection to extend to help someone further themselves can literally make or break many people situations. We often overlook support as tho we get wrapped around the superficial things or the monetary things when those things ultimately lose its value at some point. But that advice you gave to a friend or a lover, or that connection you were able to extend to someone and help them out will be things that will always stick with someone.
Taking a step back and really focusing on the things that will matter today and tomorrow can show you which things are important and which things aren't essentially in the grand scheme of things. When we look back on what made in impact in our lives most of the time its the most simplest of things that stuck with us thru the end.