Is Closure necessary in order to move on? Is closure found thru seeking answers from the other party involved or do you have to seek for answers within? Is there a correct way to find solace after leaving a situation? Is seeking closure from someone who once hurt you damaging after a great amount of time has already passed?
Song Reference: Monica- Before You Walk Out May Life
What is closure really anyway? How do you find closure? Do you seek it out from the person who left you feeling empty? Do you mask your pain from everyone and seek solace by pretending that person doesn't exist? Or are you the person who becomes a hermit and hides away under a rock until you can come to terms and get on your daily schedule? I'm not really sure there is a perfect way to find the answers and comfort on accepting why someone walked out your life or why a person decided to do you dirty. Something I like to do as time passes by and new situations emerge, is Check my temperature, take a step back and see if I still feel hot about the circumstances of the person I once shared moments with. I like to call them the "Dearly Departed".
I like to evaluate whats currently in my forefront and compare it to the healing process of an old situation and see what better steps I can currently implement to help me grow and heal in a way that's beneficial for my mental and physical health. I believe the only true way to seek closure is thru truly working on healing yourself. Focusing on the parts about you that make you feel as tho you need validation from another being on why they chose to dip out of your life, leave you heartbroken, or caused stress because of their negligence or lack of consideration when its comes to your heart. What I learned is that a person that willing to leave our life and have cause a negative impact in whatever way it relates to you was never meant to be there in the long run anyway and we need to look at it as blessing and make room for better experiences to arise.
In past situations before I learned to heal myself and seek closure from within, I would try to rush past the moment not allowing myself to truly feel what I was going thru, not taking a look at how the person impacted my life in the good and bad ways, not truly realizing just because a person no longer was in my life it didn't mean I was lesser than I am. I never really took a step back to realize that I'm missing the lesson trying to be taught by rushing my growth from the situation. I've found myself in points in my life where I felt like I was okay then a new situation comes about and then boom a similar situation occurs and I found myself not knowing how to handle nor having anything to look back on in reference to how to heal and find closure, all because I rushed the process and didn't let myself fully live in the moment with what has occurred. When seeking closure we must fully step outside ourselves and decide what it really is that's holding us back from moving forward. The key thing to remember is that we most move past those who moved past us. No need in getting hang up on the "what if's" becausethe one thing we can all say we have in common is we will never truly know what makes another person choose to do what they do rather that be hurt us, lead us on, break it off, or disappear from our lives. Learning to love yourself thru a rough patch is so much easier said then done but in order to progress in life we have to take the good with the bad in any scenario that life throws at us, because trust and believe there is a lesson to be learned.
I recently dated a guy last summer who i met back in college, i hadn't seen him for quite some years and it was refreshing to reconnect with him, hear his story and get to know him again. He lit a spark in me that was flaming and it was fantastic. For a few months he courted me like the perfect gentleman and really pushed me to be focused on my grind and plans for the future. I felt so comfortable with this man i could talk to him about anything and for me certain things in my life I've never been comfortable disclosing with many people just because of some of the affects its had on my life. But he changed all that i felt like a free spirit around him and it was all so Unexpected. You know the saying "All Good Things Come To An End" well this was one of those things and it happened "Oh So Abruptly". I initially went thru several phases, at first i was very Disturbed and Confused at what had just transpired because i felt like beyond anything i allowed myself to be quite vulnerable with this man who i felt comfortable confiding in and we were building a solid friendship if anything, but obviously i was wrong. Then i went into Denial, i tried to make myself believe that maybe we had just hit a rough patch and he'd come back around and we could continue what we started. Then i went thru this phase of Ego, where i pretended that this person didn't come in my life and make such a impact on me, i tried to fool myself like they didn't matter to me and I didn't care for them like i did. All of these left me still empty inside and i still had no real answers to what really happened. Besides the excuses he mustered up to give me, which were empty in themselves.
I did however found a way to finally get the closure i was seeking. I'll give you my Tips on how I got closure thru my most recent dating experience. Thru my story these three major components were key to helping heal myself in a situation where I could not gain Real answers thru the other party. The tools i used were Being Present, Being Aware, and Being Grateful. I'll explain in depth.
Being Present: When i speak on being present i speak about accepting every moment as it is. The universe makes no mistakes and even tho some circumstances are unfortunate you are right where you are supposed to be at that moment in time. We have to learn to accept the things as they are in the present moment. Other people, situations and things are out of our control but, what we can control is Our self. When we take a moment to look at things from a full spectrum after we have passed the initial hurt, anger or shock, we have to try not to rush past the moment we are in and see how we can learn from the situation we are in. It can shape how we handle future situations that may occur and also the forces we attract into our life.
Being Aware: We have to be fully aware of how this person made us feel during the time spent and also after it was over as well. Allow yourself to fully engage in all your emotions so that you can know, how to decipher if you have a valid way to truly feel they way you are feeling. If they mad you angry, mad, sad, confused, disgusted, used etc., let yourself feel this. But also be aware of what ways you made that person feel, if you bought them comfort, love, peace of mind, confidence, support etc remind yourself that just as they made in impact on you, you in return did the same thing. Value what you brought to this persons life and if you didn't bring all positive things re-evaluate yourself and be aware of what things you need to change within yourself to create a better bond with someone in your future.
Being Grateful: The Final Phase that will lead you to seeking closure within is by some crazy way becoming Grateful for the universe removing someone who doesn't belong in your life or understanding what positive things that person did bring in your life for the moment in time you spent together. Learn to be grateful for the lesson you have learned from the situation. Many times people come into our lives for a season or a reason, whatever the case may be, understand that maybe this is freeing you up to meet the person that is truly for you. Maybe you are meant to share your story with other people and help them on their journey to closure. Maybe you learned to level up and make better means out of your life. Or Maybe you learned to stop dealing with ain't shit ass people and it helped you find a quality individual to date or mate with. Regardless of what is take that lesson and be grateful that you can say you learned something from it.
What i learned in life is that you may never truly get the closure you seek from another person. Sometimes that person may never be man or woman enough to admit to you what truly caused the distance, the breakup, or the disappearance. Sometimes after time has past and growth has occurred, trying to go back and seek what you felt you may needed before, will undo the growth you've obtained. Its like Pandora's box, sometimes chapters are best closed for good and there is no need to reopen. True closure is sought from within. Free yourself and your mind by coming to terms with the situation. Tell yourself by being present and knowing this is what the situation has became, i become aware that although these circumstances aren't ideal i have the power to control my perspective and also how i will let this affect My life. I am grateful to accept the situation as it is and know that there is always something to be learned that is valuable to the elevation of myself and the life i wish to have.
To the guy who lead me on this journey to fully learning how to gain closure, i want to thank you because although we no longer have a connection, you showed me that there are still men that are capable of courting me, engaging me, and allowing me to be truly free. You gave me a peace of mind and a belief again that there is a man capable of giving me all the things i truly desire. After being in a relationship with man who unfortunately changed my life for the worst at a certain moment in time, I didn't think i was capable of even feeling anything for a man, let alone allowing someone to get close to a me and open up to them. You ultimately allowed me to see the good in all situations, even the undesirable ones and i thank you for granting me access on how to find closure from within. I found the key to it.
And that's the "Play On Words" for this week. "Finding Closure". Don't forget to listen to the Podcast Episode. Click the podcast link on the menu or click the links at the top or bottom or page to connect and listen. Don't forget to like, comment, share, and subscribe!!!