Updated: Apr 12, 2018
Is it selfish to not to want to commit? Is it selfish to want to focus on only yourself? Is it selfish to want someone all to yourself? Is it selfish to want to share yourself with multiple people?
Song Reference: Slum Village- Selfish
Is it really selfish just because you wanna kick it without the hassle of being committed? is It bad that you wanna just focus on building your career and cut ties with any outside distractions? Is it selfish if a person wants you to themselves and if they can't have you to themselves they don't want you at all? Is it selfish it you wanna explore several options on dating field or even in the bedroom?
This subject is one of those things I think people really take out of context or get bent out of shape over. If you are a Single Person you have every right to be selfish and make yourself your number one priority. If you don't have anybody to answer to then why not be selfish. Do whatever makes you happy! There is however territory where being selfish starts get a bit tricky, If you don't want to be in a committed relationship and just want something a bit more relaxed you have the right to want that but don't string people along. If you just want to focus on you dreams and aspirations you have every right to do so but just make sure you aren't using people as stepping stones just to get where you want to go. If you wanna have multiple partners you have the right to do that to but you gotta be completely upfront and honest about what kind of lifestyle your into, its way to many risk that come along with that.
I myself could be deemed selfish because celibate i have been for quite a few months and i plan on being so until I find a man who really wants the same things I want out of life and is ready to take it to the next level. Is that gonna stop me from dating hell nah but it may be deemed selfish because a person may feel like they wasted their time getting to know me only to not fit my standards, possibly run up a tab and still get no box out of it. You think I feel bad nah because If I Allow you to date me you gonna know exactly where I stand at, upfront, so they take that risk on their own.
Where being selfish starts crossing boundaries is when other people are in involved and a person isn't taking any regards to how it can impact those other peoples lives.
Lets Talk about these specific Selfish Beings:
Selfish While Committed: When you are in a relationship it is a partnership. Give and take on both ends. It should never be one sided. If you are in a relationship and your partner or spouse requires certain things out of you, its expected that they be adhered to and vice versa. If your Bae says hey I don't really feel comfortable with you being friends with a certain individual of the opposite sex or a particular ex, if you respect your boo then your gonna nip that in the bud out of respect for the person who you are building with, Because if you don't the onset of things is gonna create distrust, insecurities, possible craziness, and jealousy. Why is it important for you to keep the relationships still in tact with an old ex or someone who you were once intimate with. Once you focus on building a life with another then your loyalty should lay there and whatever boundaries you and your partner have set in play should be respected so that you guys can be fully at peace with knowing people from your past aren't trying to cross boundaries or a particular "friend" of the opposite sex isn't getting to cozy. Why would you still wanna be selfish and hold onto those parts of you from your past that you know could possibly cause some turbulence in your relationship. Or start a new friendship with someone that is gonna cause issues for you and your lover. Can you see how selfish that is on your part to think someone who is asking you not to engage in contact with a past boo thang and you still disregard there feelings and do what you want. If you guys have an agreement or something that no ex's are an issue and could care less about them being in your life then cool but if that's not the case, ties need to be cut.
Selfish While Building A Career: I see many people networking and building connections with people only to use them as stepping stones for the current moment just to get ahead with their dreams and aspirations. When in reality they have no real intentions on giving credit, paying homage, giving back, or offering a helping hand to these same people that helped them put their career, business, or lifestyle in a better place. Even tho these people have help aid in there success or future success these selfish jokers wear rose colored glasses so from where they stand they don't see anything wrong with what they are doing and how it could affect the people that they are using. You know the type, the ones who pretend to be friends with a person or even go as far as being intimate with a person just so they can get close enough to learn, use their tools and skill set, excel at, only to just to leave them in the dust once a better opportunity comes along or they finally reached a level of success where they feel like they have no use or see no real value in what that person or group has brought to the table anymore. This scumbag is just in it to blast off to the next level of success they could care less about the genuine-hearted people that helped put them in a better position. Sad to say but you have to be careful who you offer a helping hand too, people will milk you until your are dry to the bone.
Selfish While Parenting: I don't even understand how this is possible. As a parent your #1 priority over your self is to ensure the well being of that child or those children. How could you be so selfish to even remotely put yourself before them when you are the ones who created these helpless beings. Yes you deserve time to yourself, Yes you deserve to put some focus on the things you want out of life. But honey those kiddos deserve all of you first before anything else, what you need to do is find an even balance to do for yourself along with making sure your children are set. I'm not just talking about making sure they are barely nourished properly, or that they have the latest Jordan sneaker release at the start of school. I'm talking about making sure our little kings and queens are well aware that they are loved, that they have a safe haven at home, a peace of mind from all the craziness they may incur at school, someone they can confide in about issues they are having without being shut down, yelled at and cursed out, or ridiculed. This Shit Has to Stop. Our little Gods and Goddesses are not getting the love, the care, the TLC that they need and this is why many of them are acting out in the community as such. Instead of worrying about going to the dopest party of the summer, or going to get some dick from John John or having different woman in and out you home showing just how much of a womanizer you really are, How about you stay home and have story time with your kids, or even go thru old photos of when you were a kid and share experiences from your life that could help mold these precious babies. Fathers how about you stop leaving your pre-teenage daughter around your horny lil teenage cousins house so she can be experimented with at their disposal. Stop letting your sons over sexualize every little girl they see by forcing him to make her his girlfriend. How about you teach your son how to respect a woman and love a woman so he won't have the baby mama drama you currently are experiencing . How about you take the time to realize that you son or daughter isn't groomed properly and that the other kids are making fun of their body odor or dirty clothes at school. How about you realize you child is acting out and misbehaving because your aren't showing them the correct attention they need. How about you realize your son has real social skill issues and stop calling him a punk or a pussy and get this kid the help he needs so he can cope better in life. Certain shit is non negotiable and the bond, time, love, and nourishment mentally and physically we provide for our children is something that is one of them. Do Better Period.
Like I said earlier its nothing wrong with being selfish when you ARE NOT stepping on anyone's toes to climb the ladder, leading anyone on if you want to wave your freak flag and play the dating field, and for certain as long as you are taking care all your responsibilities as a functional and stable parent, go ahead and take that time for self but just make sure your kids are in safe keeping when doing so. As long as the other people in your life aren't going to affected negativity in any way, then you have every right to be selfish in some aspects but be cognitive when it becomes all about you and you know for sure it could have a cause and effect type of reaction on someone else life.
That's the Play of the Week: Being Selfish. Check out the podcast links on the homepage. Also Available on iTunes, Soundcloud, & Spreakr. Play on Words By Corein Carter.